Another Page – Social media and me, Part 2

Posted on by islandeditions

I found it necessary today to unfriend someone on Facebook. Now, I didn’t make this decision lightly. It was a person who had sent me a friend request a short while ago and I accepted because, although I hadn’t known the person in any way previously we had several friends in common. The person began regularly liking then commenting on my status updates, but as I had chosen recently to cut back on my social media use in general I did not follow their updates so was not commenting likewise. I just do not have time at the moment. Which is why I wrote this first blog post about it last week, putting more of a positive spin on the situation: Another Page – Social media and me …

Following now is, for me, the negative side of social media.

Unfortunately, this person had chosen to make comments on both my status updates, and those comments made by my friends, comments I considered to be inappropriate. Not rude or derogatory or troll-like inappropriate, but inappropriate to who I am and what I believe (or don’t believe in, actually) on the photos and subjects I choose to post on my wall. Granted, this person did not know me at all. But would that not have been their first clue they should have gotten to know me better first before posting religious and/or judgmental comments on my wall? Or making judgmental comments about my friends’ comments?

Unless I know my opinions are welcome, especially those that may go against my “friends’” beliefs, ideas, opinions, I just do not comment. I may “like” but even then I’m careful to like only those status updates, photos, cat videos, songs that I truly do like. (That would be ALL the cat videos, of course!) I NEVER make any religious comments or share anything religious or comment on other religious posts, because … I am not religious myself. I do not follow any religious philosophies and I don’t believe in the existence of any deities. (I’m still thinking things through, as a matter of fact, but I’m doing just fine on my own, so please don’t feel the need to indoctrinate me with your own beliefs.) Since I am respectful of others and what they choose to post on Facebook, I do not make any contrary comments – nor do I wish anyone else to make such comments, or judge me, on my status updates.

“She’s gone off the deep end,” I hear some of you saying. But it is my Facebook Wall, after all, and I get to choose what stays on and what is taken off. It’s my party and I’ll unfriend who I want to … I haven’t had reason to unfriend many people in the 5 years I’ve been on Facebook, but in every case (also in choosing the more permanent method of blocking a few people) it’s been as a result of an “inappropriate” friendship that I should not have accepted in the first place. I’m sure I’ve been unfriended and blocked by others as well. That’s the nature of this social-media beast: Here today, forgotten tomorrow.

Just so you know, this is the only person I’ve taken issue with recently, so I’m not likely to unfriend you or anyone else. Unless you make inappropriate comments that prove to me you don’t know me at all. I do invite discussion or other views or even criticism when the subject on my status update suggests I’m looking for your opinions. However, please keep your religious leanings and judgmental comments on your own status updates. Okay?

I do welcome your comments here on this topic. Have you had to deal with situations like this? Have you noticed that just because they now have the ability to comment online, many people feel they also have the right to say whatever they want, with no repercussions? Trolls aside, there seems to be very little respect online these days.

You are most welcome here! Enjoying the view with me from my trailer or verandah.
Susan

13 thoughts on “Another Page – Social media and me, Part 2”

  2. Great post. I post whatever I like on my wall, but when it comes to posting to someone else’s wall, I try to be careful, especially when my opinion conflicts with theirs. There have been a few occasions where I have unfriended people based on their political or religious rants, not because I don’t think they are entitled to their opinions, but because I really we have absolutely nothing in common and no basis for our Facebook “friendship.” When someone spews out a constant stream of homophobic, political, or religious posts, I either unfollow their posts, or unfriend them. Life is too short to be bombarded by negativity.

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  3. A friend recently told me that she was a recovering Catholic, which I suppose I am- since I was ‘raised’ in this way. First Communion, confession, Confirmation- and so on. My first taste of the contradictory nature of it all was in the 1st grade, when my teacher, a nun by the name of Sister St. Angela, smacked my knuckles with her ruler. She did this because I wouldn’t (couldn’t) move my hand as it was covering an embarrassing smudge in my workbook. Imagine- a little 6 year old hand.

    Church was always an unpleasant experience, particularly with the family rushing to get ready (my dad was always hung over and in a shitty mood). When we, the kids, got old enough to go to church on our own, we’d kill the hour at Kentucky Fried Chicken with an order of chips and gravy. Now cat videos: Yes, always a joy.

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    1. I knew you’d agree about the cat videos, Paul, since some of those I share are yours 😉 We used Bullwinkle cartoons on Sunday mornings as our excuse for not attending church. But then we had an ally in our father who never went. Then there was the cottage on weekends during the summer months …

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  4. Always awkward situation. Remember we were instructed it was rude/inappropriate to discuss religion, politics, or money at social events? Polite.
    Perhaps it’s that social media seems to allow people to think they “know” someone almost instantly and become BFF’s so quickly rather than letting a friendship grow inch by inch. These cyber shadow world acquaintances are just like wisps of mist…or clutching dense damp fogs – depending.
    FB is tricky ground.

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    1. So true, philmouse. If we don’t (won’t) discuss these topics in public why should we do so on FB? I think it’s the anonymity people feel they have online that makes them think they can say anything they please.

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  5. I have religious family members but, at least so far, they have been respectful to me and not challenged either me or my friends for what we post. They post lots of religious stuff, but I scroll on past it without comment.

    However, I totally get the acquaintance thing. I’ve had to unfriend three people and one of them did just what you described. A person who is a friend of someone (a friend) I have met friended me and I accepted because we had several mutual friends. After several likes and a few comments, she started making inappropriate comments. She also started spamming my message box about her business, and I unfriended her. We had little in common based on her own posts. No loss.

    The other two were people I have known for a long time. One was being rude to me personally. Every time I posted something, he would make an obnoxious comment. I had known him for for nearly twenty years, had not seen him in five, and his behavior got worse over time. I never really knew why he did this. I never argued with him, but I found myself having to delete posts because of his derogatory words. Finally, I had enough and unfriended him. He messaged me asking me why and I simply didn’t respond. I was done with him and didn’t feel a need to explain myself if he couldn’t figure it out.

    The third, most recently, was someone I was barely acquainted with through Cypress Cove. He lives in Mexico, but professes to be a proud American, even though he apparently hates everything about the country, right and left. He started posting politically motivated comments, challenging and arguing with my friends. I posted a nice meme about healthy living and he made what I felt was a rude and negative comment. It didn’t belong on my positive post. I cut him loose just that easy. I don’t need it.

    None of us do. I’m in a state of mind that calls for me to remove toxic people from my life.

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  7. I am a survivor of workplace bullying/mobbing, having been emotionally pummeled in the ’90’s by a sociopathic coworker and her mean little gang of minions for almost five years. I learned through personal experience that mean girls grow up to be mean women, and sometimes you end up working with them. I only bring that up because, throughout those years, I was young and passive, and I allowed myself to be emotionally beaten down. I was overwhelmed by mind-numbing, psychologically-abusive behavior from a pathological liar who had no conscience. Sociopaths and bullies are not like the rest of us. They lack the same filters and social barriers that we normal people live with. That’s why I could never fight back. She was crazy. And, it’s impossible to fight a crazy person and win. She was a nut-job who filled my life with a steady diet of soul-damaging drama. She attempted to kill me one day by shoving her huge SUV into my driver’s door at a busy intersection in our city at rush hour. Her intention was to involve me in a car crash. Looking into her eyes that day was like looking into the eyes of the devil. Human eyes can express an awful lot of hate. I never fought back because I thought that I had no recourse. I was left broken by that experience. It left me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which I deal with, still today. But, I no longer feel like a victim. I am no longer passive about what I want, what I need, and what’s good for me. Time does teach us how to stand up for ourselves. Even the mean people in our lives have a purpose.

    As a result of my experience with bullying, I am now an incredibly strong woman who can smell a bully from a mile away. And, trust me……social media is heavily populated with people with bullying tendencies. There are people on social media who are simply looking for a fight. I believe that the stimulation of verbally-combative and heat-filled drama drives them. When my bully was heavily engaged in bullying me, she was like a drug addict enjoying a fix. I see that type of behavior on Facebook every day. Social media provides a stage for those sick exhibitionists. I’ve learned to protect myself from them. For me, Facebook is fun, I use it to relax, and I keep it that way. Occasionally, on my own wall, I will make social commentary. But, not often. I’ve not only unfriended several people on Facebook: I’ve blocked them when they’ve made inflammatory or controversial comments on my wall. I’ve learned to respect myself enough to immediately remove toxic people from my life. If anyone initiates a conversation regarding religion or politics on my wall, they’re gone. If they start any kind of drama at all, it’s bye-bye time. No exceptions. No compromises. No second chances. Period. I simply must live like that for the sake of my mental health.

    Great post, by the way.

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